Wednesday, December 9, 2009

To Do Lists When Making A Life-Altering Move

When one decides to actually do something one has talked about, or secretly wanted to do, one finds that one ought to create a To Do list. One cannot simply hop on a plane with all of one's belongings in her old Barbie sleepover bag from 1985, and fly to Bangor, Maine. Wait, did one just switch pronouns on oneself?  Shit.

Why did I forget such major items as collection of sexy little thongs that I love to hate to love?

To Do List:

1. Inform Landlord that you will not renew lease on rent controlled perfect in every way apartment. Material things are not important. (RE: thongs.)

2. Inform family at the last possible moment of move to 1. Canada 2. Canadian Island 3. CANADA.

3. Bring bottle of wine for mom and exit quickly, leaving all contact information with dad, as he will come to first.

4. Inform friends of plans.  High-five most of them, and avoid calls from naysayers.  And emails.  And Facebook.  Don't even think about looking at texts.

5. Set up mail forwarding to parents' house until you find a new place to live.

6. Pack all essentials and non-essentials.

7. Unpack and repack a few times.

8. Figure out banking, bills, and boring details.

9. Inform boss of plan to move to tiny island, but assure them of ability to work from very modern and costs-saving Home Office.

10. Beg boss to be reasonable and thank lucky stars that they understand and that one can work from anywhere when one has Skype.

10. Inform ex-boyfriend during Going Away Party (Theme: Hail Canada!) that you are moving to Canada to meet your Prince Edward.  Instantly regret the last 5 drinks, but then own it as you strut sexily away from him to the bathroom to throw up.

11. Thank lucky stars (and friends) for making it home in one piece.

12. Rethink plan every 5 minutes, including while on plane to Bangor, Maine.

13. Listen to multi-thematic IPod mix to boost confidence in new plan, new life, new outlook, new everything.  Included in mix: Rolling Stones, Poi Dog Pondering, Iggy Pop, and Jethro Tull.

14. Shit.  Forgot toothpaste and vibrator.  Will have roommate ship them to me with thongs.

15. Decide to drive instead.  Cross-country driving is the way to see it all!

16. This was a good idea, right?

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